TOUGH?

Arnold Schwarzenegger, got nothing on me,

I could eat The Predator for my tea,

Make Chuck Norris cry and Steven Seagal weep,

Leave Sly Stallone in an emotional heap,

Put Tyson Fury on the floor, Freddy Krueger would be no more,

Finally put Michael Myers in his grave, Russell Crowe would be my slave,

Bruce Willis knees would turn to jelly, Vin diesel crawling on his belly,

Wolverine would howl out in pain, I’d pour the Joker down the drain,

But one thing turns my knees a quiver,

I shake, rattle, spine starts to shiver,

My mouth goes dry, throat turns to sand,

It sets fire to my adrenal gland,

That knock on the door it scares me witless,

Oh God why me it’s a Jehovah’s witness,

I’ll jump and hide behind the chair,

With a bit of luck they won’t see me there,

I stay put, but I need a shower, the letterbox flaps, it’s the watch tower,

Tap tap tap I crouch down more, lay down prone on the laminate floor,

A sigh of relief as footsteps fade, my nerves are on a razor blade,

The next door knock, breathe again, fantastic! Don’t want to talk Ecclesiastic,

They’ll come again, unfinished business, how on earth can’t you celebrate Christmas?

Maybe I’ll be nice and welcome them in, chat about religion, and all of my sin,

But in my mind I’ll be thinking it’s time for a quaff, if he doesn’t leave soon I’ll shout out, “PISS OFF!”