Long covid diary… Day two hundred and twenty eight…..and counting. I’m feeling a bit better than I did I’m happy to report. I’ve gone from death’s door, then feeling absolutely shite to terrible. Now I’m currently fairly crap which is a positive. And I don’t want to tempt fate but I’m slowly on the up. Still got a few symptoms though. The palpations came back a couple of nights ago. Really horrible. I thought it was going to be a hospital job but I just keep thinking that’s where I caught the bloody thing in the first place! So it calmed down after a couple of days and now a mixture of fatigue, angina, palpations, brain fog, tinnitus and a bit out of breath now and again. Still having the odd crazy dream (too odd to talk about…really, you don’t want to know!) but my sleep pattern is getting back to normal too. The main thing I suppose is I still feel like I have an axe above my head, just waiting to swing down on my neck.
Because it’s kept on coming back with a bang for so long I’m always waiting for something to happen. So when the angina starts I get a bit worked up, fearing the worst and keep telling myself to calm down. Having had five heart attacks in the past I know what to expect so my worrying just makes it worse, the old ticker starts to go faster and a vicious circle begins. I’m hoping this will eventually bugger off and life will return to some kind of normal. And I’m not really going anywhere for now because I don’t want to catch coronavirus again. Just the thought of going through those awful weeks and weeks again is terrifying to me, and if I’m honest,it’s still taking awhile to get over.
I’m hoping by next autumn our lives will be back up and running completely, and surely having a vaccine every year isn’t a problem for anybody is it? I had the polio sugar lump when I was a kid and still remember that weird taste. And the T.B jab, all of us stood in a line waiting nervously. I know a lot of people are wary because of the speed of the vaccine testing but for me it’s a no brainer. I’ll be elbowing my way to the front shouting ” Me First!!” l know it’s still a long way off but won’t it be fantastic to see family and friends properly, well most of them anyway! I think for all of us not being able to see people has been a tough road hasn’t it, but it can’t last forever. It’ll be interesting to see what the covidiots do. I presume if you don’t believe in coronavirus you won’t have the vaccine. And if lots of people don’t get it then what? Maybe those unbelievers will fill up hospitals up and down the land as the rest of us get on with our lives? Should we get rid of them somewhere? An uninhabited island off the coast of Scotland? Greenland would be better I reckon.Let them protest there until the cows come home. Mind you it’s not fair on the cows is it?
My days have been very similar. Trying to do gentle exercise every day and gradually build up. Then I have a relapse and start again….then repeat. I was actually doing quite well until those palpations decided to show up which was a setback but it’s definitely spacing out longer between the flare ups. From three weeks to about six, seven now and I’m praying that will be the last one. This old heart of mine has taken a battering these last few years and then with the virus on top its been a struggle. I think my running round like a gazelle days are over but a slow amble is fine by me. And it’s great to be driven around in a car and not an ambulance.
I had an appointment at the long covid clinic a few weeks ago. Lots of tests, bloods taken. When I say blood taken it was eighteen of those little vial things they use. My arm was empty by the time it was done. Didn’t do very well on the memory test for the brain fog (I can’t remember the exact numbers!) but the doctor said all the symptoms of long covid should slowly disappear but it may take months. I go back there in April to do exactly the same tests so I want to see a big improvement! It’s crazy that it’s done so much damage to so many people all over the world.
And not just physically. Mentally is been a strain. The counselling has really helped, put things into perspective for me. So it’s good and bad times, for now anyway. But those dark, dark days and nights are slowly fading and the old me is well on the way back. Let’s hope next year is the opposite of this one. A year for living, not dying, and not being afraid to let people into your home. I don’t think I’ll ever moan about being in a busy crowd again! When it’s all done we should cuddle our loved ones just a little bit tighter, a bit longer, and appreciate what we have all really missed.