Eton CollegeThe place to beGet to the topAll things parliamentaryConservative leadersChurned out, never stopReminds me ofAn Indian sweatshopMoulded by moneySculptured on powerChiselled in arroganceThey grow to devourAnd the future brightWith these Tory boysOur country their playgroundAnd we are the toys.
Never knew what the Ick was until I watched Love Island (Don’t be judging me) and apparently it’s when a woman goes off a man… A gin and tonicHe feels bionicDoesn’t know it’s just platonicIt’s catastrophicShe’s catatonicBored to tears it’s unharmonicHe’s philamonicStereophonicFlying high,supersonicHe’s just colonicSubmoronicAvoid him like the plague bubonicHe goes erratic She gets sardonicCrack’s […]
A one legged pirate from Tring Hopped the jive, a foxtrot and swing The samba he slipped, fell over and tripped And ended both arms in a sling!
Ms Stratton had lot’s of fun And laughed about the cheese and wine So it went viral Her life did a spiral Then cried as she had to resign Boris said he didn’t know About the latest shit show Full of anger and sorrow Hoping we all toe the line About the rules they decline […]
My dearest Elf……. Please Elf on the shelf You’re so full of impish fun But if I see you one more time I’ll dig out my tommy gun Go back from where you came That factory faraway in China That little creepy face of yours Is giving me angina And if I see you near […]
Omicron is coming, let’s have one last party! It won’t bother me, I’m fit, hale and hearty! What?! Wear a mask?!! No let’s have a drink, Let’s paint the town red, I’m in the pink! I have my rights, I’m sick of this limbo, Covid can do one, it’s Xmas! It’s Crimbo! It’s only a […]
Clever people get right on my nerves, nine letters on Countdown, all consonants and verbs, Mastermind baffles my spec of a brain, specialist subjects, drive me insane, University challenge, who needs all that knowledge? same winners each year, Oxford, Kings College, I turn it all off cos it makes me feel thick as a plank, […]
Arnold Schwarzenegger, got nothing on me, I could eat The Predator for my tea, Make Chuck Norris cry and Steven Seagal weep, Leave Sly Stallone in an emotional heap, Put Tyson Fury on the floor, Freddy Krueger would be no more, Finally put Michael Myers in his grave, Russell Crowe would be my slave, Bruce […]
A one legged pigeon from Sheffield, Very cool,laid back and quite chilled, He hopped and he pecked, Half can of beer he necked, Then hiccuped, swore and then keeled! I was sat outside Sheffield hospital just minding my own business when this one legged wonder appeared. His friend got even closer then both of them […]
Flying away to sand and sun, a little hanky panky, with some girl, name unknown, ouzo breathe, quite lanky, Wakey wakey! The Brits are here, the yobs are back in town, The girls aren’t too far behind, how many drinks can they down? Booming sound and flashing lights, drink and pop those pills, No pail […]
Summer is here! Get out your brollies, Soggy food in your vest and trollies, Here I am, feeling a bit like Cinderella, Going nowhere with a cold sausage and warm can of Stella, Wait! Wait! I see the Sun! Better dry out that burger bun, It’s getting hotter! Oh Fantastic! Time to have fun, be […]
Jim sucked in his stumHe wanted some funLet the story beginHer name was BrendaThose hips were slenderBut opportunites round here were thinHe gave her the lineWhen they drank the red wine And those pub lights were dimSo Jim brought her homeTheir hands started to roam After drinking most of the ginIn the dance of lustThey […]