Wonders of nature

I know nature is a wonderful thing, our planet is amazing isn’t it, from the highest peaks of The Andes to the black, bottomless oceans. Creatures of all kinds, from plankton to whales, ants to elephants it really is incredible. And one thing I like about wild animals, birds especially, they are much better at a distance…

We have a small hole in the fachia board that needs repairing, but a couple of months ago I noticed a bird going in. I don’t know much about bods but it was black, had a beak and feathers. But now there isn’t just one, we have a frigging family of them tweeting all day, every day. But the most annoying thing about them is they poo from a great height and it lands directly next to the dining room door. It’s everywhere! They slop out like an inmate in a Victorian prison. As soon as I clean it they have a competition who can make the most mess. The bathroom window looks like it’s had a custard pie thrown at it. Ricky the window cleaner will need a high powered jet to get all the crap off. The dawn chorus is now a full blown symphony with a conga line along the guttering thrown in.

A BBQ is out of the question. It’ll be raining birdshit. Everyone will need a brolly and a sou’wester. Whatever these flying faeces machines eat it goes through them faster than a bullet train. One thing is certain, when they migrate that hole is fixed. I don’t care if they think it’s a holiday home and will pop back next spring like all’s fine. But for now it’s time to put a hat on, get shoveling…..and don’t look up….