blog I don't understand! life money technology Telephone banking

The Bank Card

That tinny ringing in my ear goes on for a while…

Hello….welcome to ******bank…. So we can help you please listen to the following options…..

Oh God…

Press one for telephone banking. Two for any unauthorized transactions. Three for lost or stolen cards. Four to activate your new card. Press five to hear this again or wait on the line for one of our operators……

Shall I wait twenty minutes to have a conversation with an actual person or do I risk it? My finger floats over the numbers…Four! press four….silence ….. Has my happy automated friend done a runner?

Ok! Tell us exactly what you want…

What? Do you mean speak? Eh? Silence…..

Let’s try that again…

Oh I get it! “Activate a card.” I say, trying not to sound common. Silence….

Ok! To make things easier for you please have you security number and your new card. If not please try again later …..

Yeah I got it. The little plastic card is attached to this letter that you lot sent me…I pick the letter up….No card! “Aw shit!”

Please key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card …

No! No! The card is upstairs! “Hang on!” I tell her and make a fast move up the dancers. My new friend speaking in my ear.

Please key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card …..

I’m panting like an asthmatic bloodhound and rush into the bedroom…looking around… Where’s the bleeding card!….Where?!…On the bed! Found it! “One second!” I shout….

Ok! Press one to key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card. Press two to key in your personal I.D number…

Personal I.D number? What? I haven’t got a clue! Have I got a number? Press one! Press one!

Ok! Please key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card.

I breath in, relax slightly now… Be a bit more Zen…My finger doing as it’s told….Is that a three or an eight? I need new glasses… I’m squinting hard. I’ll end up like blind pew the way I’m going on. Yes it’s a three! I press the sixteen numbers as asked….. Silence….. followed by more silence….time spins out as I grip the phone….

Ok! Your new card has been activated. Is there anything else I could help you with? If not please hang up and have a nice day….


By Vinny

Middle aged geriatric from Hull, England.Slighty mad but aren't we all?

17 replies on “The Bank Card”

Now before I all I gather everything before me because those horrid auto responses are demanding. Then of course I try to hit zero hoping to get an actual person and it’s a “wrong choice or they don’t recognize that response”. Uh huh 🙄

Liked by 1 person

LMAO!!! One of the things I love about your stuff is it’s so relatable. We’ve all been through this exact scenario, right down to holding the card at arms length trying to tell the eights from the three or the twos from the fives! I swear it’s a conspiracy of some sort, the way they make the numbers so hard to read. Perhaps the most humiliating part is after having a lengthy conversation with machine we get the silent treatment and a “Please call back another time. Good bye.” We somehow failed the system instead of them failing us. I’m generally not one for ‘tit for tat’ but I couldn’t resist this time.When you have a moment, check this out:

Liked by 1 person

One thing’s for certain: man will never win against the machine. It’s times like these when you really need a land line so you can bang the receiver repeatedly while screaming obscenities at the phone. That makes it all so much better! 🤣 ☎️ 🤬

Liked by 1 person

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