The Bank Card

That tinny ringing in my ear goes on for a while…

“Hello….welcome to ******bank…. So we can help you please listen to the following options…..

Oh God…

Press one for telephone banking. Two for any unauthorized transactions. Three for lost or stolen cards. Four to activate your new card. Press five to hear this again or wait on the line for one of our operators……

Shall I wait twenty minutes to have a conversation with an actual person or do I risk it? My finger floats over the numbers…Four! press four….silence ….. Has my happy automated friend done a runner?

Ok! Tell us exactly what you want…

What? Do you mean speak? Eh? Silence…..

Let’s try that again…

Oh I get it! “Activate a card.” I say, trying not to sound common. Silence….

Ok! To make things easier for you please have you security number and your new card. If not please try again later …..

Yeah I got it. The little plastic card is attached to this letter that you lot sent me…I pick the letter up….No card! “Aw shit!”

Please key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card …

No! No! The card is upstairs! “Hang on!” I tell her and make a fast move up the dancers. My new friend speaking in my ear.

Please key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card …..

I’m panting like an asthmatic bloodhound and rush into the bedroom…looking around… Where’s the bleeding card!….Where?!…On the bed! Found it! “One second!” I shout….

Ok! Press one to key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card. Press two to key in your personal I.D number…

Personal I.D number? What? I haven’t got a clue! Have I got a number? Press one! Press one!

Ok! Please key in your sixteen digit number on the front of the card.

I breath in, relax slightly now… Be a bit more Zen…My finger doing as it’s told….Is that a three or an eight? I need new glasses… I’m squinting hard. I’ll end up like blind pew the way I’m going on. Yes it’s a three! I press the sixteen numbers as asked….. Silence….. followed by more silence….time spins out as I grip the phone….

Ok! Your new card has been activated. Is there anything else I could help you with? If not please hang up and have a nice day….

Simple…