So here we are tonight in a place called Nossen. In the middle of nowhere. A full apartment for 60 quid for five of us which isn't bad at all. The mosquitoes come free of charge too so it's a bargain. The drive has been a bit scary. In the UK we have the motorway … Continue reading Road trip 2…
Going on a little road trip in these covid times is a bit of a strange thing to do but off we go. The reason we are going is my daughter lives in the Czech Republic. She had my grandson in the UK but he was quite ill so they stayed for six months. The … Continue reading Road trip.
I've won an award! The Honourable Order of Best Blog owners! The last time I actually won something was in the amusement arcade in Bridlington. One of those grabber machines. Might have been a teddy bear, or a dog...not a real one that would be cruel sticking a pooch in the glass box. So thank … Continue reading Award!!
Yesterday we took a little trip to Hornsea. Its a typical seaside town like many here in the UK. I'm very lucky where I live. Half an hours drive and it's the east coast. The North Sea is a bit nippy even in summer but the sandy beach is beautiful. Don't let the blue sky … Continue reading Oh I do like to be beside the seaside..
Arnold Schwarzenegger, got nothing on me, I could eat The Predator for my tea, Make Chuck Norris cry and Steven Seagal weep, Leave Sly Stallone in an emotional heap, Put Tyson Fury on the floor, Freddy Krueger would be no more, Finally put Michael Myers in his grave, Russell Crowe would be my slave, Bruce … Continue reading TOUGH?
Well can you believe it. I've been blogging a year! I only intended to do a couple if I'm honest but found it a bit addictive. Before I knew it I was up and away. Anyway thanks for all the likes, comments and following my blog I really appreciate it!
I popped to Hull Minster today to see the planet earth.... Seven metres in diameter and created used NASA high definition. It's quite a size.... Its a fantastic thing to see... Our home slowly spinning...
This is my attempt at a new page with my blogs in it. Sorry for the confusion!
Imagine being young,Imagine being female,Imagine you have a future,Imagine being terrified,Imagine men with guns,Imagine hope being stolen,Imagine being told how to live,Imagine your freedom taken away,Imagine hate wrapped in religion,Imagine losing everything,Imagine living in darkness,Imagine having no voice,Imagine begging for help,Imagine silence.
Last night it showed a clip on the news about the wildfires in Turkey. The reporter filming from a beach in the big resort of Marmaris, a very popular place with the British holidaymaker. The hills were on fire. The sky red and smoke everywhere. Lots of men and women running around but even more … Continue reading NERO FIDDLES…
" Your lights are on...but no one's home..." The famous opening line from Robert Palmer's hit song, Addicted to Love. Remember that 1980s video with the supermodels playing the instruments and Robert looking very dapper? It's very apt for the contestants on Love Island. All muscle, tattoo's, and sun kissed beauties pouting. It's everything I … Continue reading Addicted to Love (Island)
A one legged pigeon from Sheffield, Very cool,laid back and quite chilled, He hopped and he pecked, Half can of beer he necked, Then hiccuped, swore and then keeled! I was sat outside Sheffield hospital just minding my own business when this one legged wonder appeared. His friend got even closer then both of them … Continue reading Pigeon
Life takes us down a twisty, turny path sometimes doesn't it. Haven't felt like blogging much these last few weeks. Four months ago my first grandchild was born. A beautiful boy named after me. How can you have that much love for someone you haven't seen before? Crazy. Anyway he hasn't been very well, in … Continue reading Life
As some of you know on here, I'm not the most technically minded individual. Not for lack of trying though I'm just thick. I was having a look around the 'view admin' area here on WordPress and bloody hell I have over a hundred spam messages! At first I thought I was just popular but … Continue reading Spam Spam Spam and Spam!
Flying away to sand and sun, a little hanky panky, with some girl, name unknown, ouzo breathe, quite lanky, Wakey wakey! The Brits are here, the yobs are back in town, The girls aren't too far behind, how many drinks can they down? Booming sound and flashing lights, drink and pop those pills, No pail … Continue reading FUN IN THE SUN!
What are your plans for this weekend? Anything exciting? I'm thinking of taking my private jet to the south of France and stay on my super yacht for a day or two. Or maybe go a little bit further, skim across the sea to Tuscany and visit my favourite restaurant, La Donk'e Hoof. The head … Continue reading Weekend Plans?
Sunrise and sunset photographed from my garden ...
Summer is here! Get out your brollies, Soggy food in your vest and trollies, Here I am, feeling a bit like Cinderella, Going nowhere with a cold sausage and warm can of Stella, Wait! Wait! I see the Sun! Better dry out that burger bun, It's getting hotter! Oh Fantastic! Time to have fun, be … Continue reading Summer time…..
I just bit the bullet and hopped onto the scales. Man alive I've put a stone on since last year. That's about 6 and a half kg to you, I'm still stuck in the old imperial system, this metric malarkey is not for me. It's the long covid diet that's done it. Do very little … Continue reading THE COVID DIET.
I had a battle with a wasp this morning. It was that big I was like a lion tamer with a chair and a whip. It must have been some sort of mutated freak of nature. Big as an american football, a stinger that would kill a giraffe and fangs as sharp as needles! I … Continue reading THE WASP FROM HELL.
I'm a man on the run. The tax men are chasing me! HMRC are on my tail! I've had five phone calls today off different numbers all Repeating the same thing. Automated, same bloke telling me if I don't pay they're going to put out a warrant for my arrest. Press one, it says, to … Continue reading Man on the run!
Jim sucked in his stumHe wanted some funLet the story beginHer name was BrendaThose hips were slenderBut opportunites round here were thinHe gave her the lineWhen they drank the red wine And those pub lights were dimSo Jim brought her homeTheir hands started to roam After drinking most of the ginIn the dance of lustThey … Continue reading One night love.
The weather here is finally warming up. The sky is a beautiful clear blue and the days have lengthened. People walking around with untanned, pale legs and burnt red faces. Summer is waiting in the wings. On the down side it also means the neighbour has his rap music on loud. Now it's not my … Continue reading Gangsta paradise!
What the hell is abstract art? It is a very strange thing to me. Sometimes its looks as if an animal has done it. So I had a think ( I know, I know it's dangerous ) Googled it and would you believe it, animals do actually paint. The one above was painted by Congo … Continue reading MONKEY BUSINESS.
I've been in hospital to have a thing done called an ablation. The doctors insert thin wires up through either side of the groin into arteries that go into the heart. I'm having it done because I have scarring in my heart from previous heart attacks which has been causing arrhythmia, making the old ticker … Continue reading NIGHT NURSE.
I had my second covid vaccination yesterday. Brilliant to get it done. Very quick, very easy. Smooth as clockwork. They give you some paperwork with various things on it like side effects. Today I feel like I've been kicked by a horse. Not a little Shetland pony but a gigantic Shire horse. A very angry … Continue reading The Jab.
A damp chill hung in the air. Drops of rain ran down the windows, racing one another. Shiny puddles danced beneath the sodium lights as I walking into my office. The glass door had my name on it in faded gold lettering. Sam Shovel. Private Dic. Inside, my office was as warm as a Los … Continue reading The mysterious case of the missing toenail clipping….
Mother Nature turned and said, " What have you people done?""I've been here for quite a while spinning around this big old Sun."" You came along and took me for a ride."" Killing and poisoning me, you'll be crying when I've died."" So you think you know better than me?"" Polluting my sky and throwing … Continue reading MOTHER NATURE.
I'm just sat watching the telly and my lord there is some absolute rubbish on. Every channel has been taken over by endless gameshows, rolling news and worst of all, cookery programmes. Chefs are now practically superstars. All for slinging a few ingredients in a pan and charging rediculous prices which people seem happy to … Continue reading Recipe for disaster.
Orange is the deadliest fruit, Take a bite and it will shoot, It's deadly venom into the sky, A direct hit, straight in the eye, Pain hits, have you been stung by a bee? No it's worse than that, blinded by vitamin C, Next time I'm sticking to a granny smith, Cos this sphere of … Continue reading The fruit of death…
I'm sat here listening to the radio,( Queen. Another one bites the dust. What a tune!) taking my morning concoction of tablets for the old ticker and enjoying a tray of fruit. Definitely more than five a day. Healthy body, healthy mind I tell myself, wishing I had a bacon sandwich instead, with fried mushrooms … Continue reading Kale v Bacon.
It's funny really but I thought poetry was just for 'Arty Farty' types (apologies to any Arty Farty types out there) and not a numbskull like me. How wrong I was! Turns out I've been really enjoying it here. So I wrote a few. I only ever intended to do a couple of small blogs..... … Continue reading The Bransholme Cowboy.
The wind blew the tree and the tree danced back Branches creaked Murderous crows swooped and squawked Laughing from above Black sillouettes on gray pallete Dappled leaves lazily float away to pile and decay Bark, withered like old skin It's roots twist and turn, burrow into earth and stone Standing, grown through seasons past Summers … Continue reading TREE.
Oh man..... technology wins yet again... Every Braincell has been used. Every dark recess of my mind has been searched and still it's a no no. Damn this modern , fast paced, super speedy world we live in. All I want to do is change my menu and put my blogs and poems separately but … Continue reading Lost in space two…the revenge of the menu.
Pump the iron make the Hulk look puny, Jog till you drop like a demented loony, Flexing in red shorts looking mean and moody, Plenty of Punch with a touch of Judy, Up at six addicted to sweat, Kale smoothie at eight, I wouldn't touch that for a bet, The vainest man that I ever … Continue reading Muscle.
A barking dog and a big white van, Early morning frost and a dustbin man, Kids go to School via the bakers shop, Four sausage rolls make your heart say stop, Smoking mother's chewing the fat, Pass a wrinkled man in an old woolly hat, Straight to the bookies, his money will diminish, Bellow at … Continue reading THESE STREETS..
I don't know where you live but here in Britain the dialects, accents vary greatly from place to place. What somebody says in one part of the country might not make any sense in another part. Here in Hull we have quite a few different words for things. A back alley is called a ten … Continue reading A DEAD BOD.
My wife walked slowly backward into the living room, her shaking hand pointing and said, " Massive rat in the garden......" A bit like Chief Brody in Jaws when he sees the Great White up close and personal. I jumped up, well slowly rose, knees popping, bones creaking and had a look but the blighter … Continue reading Dancing with Rats.
" Ug ug?" the Caveman said kindly to his one and only, " Ug!Ug!" she snapped, sick to death of his baloney, "Ug....ug?" he said, his large forehead frowning, "UG!!UG!!uuggg!" she raged, her chest starts 'a'pounding, "....ug? " he says and glanced around the cave, " Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug," she shouts, sick of … Continue reading The very first argument in the world..
I sail the boat, the good ship 'Me', Through gales, wind, and stormy sea, Crushed, smashed, a broken sail, Hold the wheel, I must prevail... The good ship 'Me' plows proudly on, Cut through the blue, the clouds are gone, The sun shines down, the sky is clear, Gaze to the horizon, it holds no … Continue reading The Good ship, Me.
We have so much cash Send a Rover to Mars Satellites and rockets All the way to the stars Spend millions on bombs Bullets and guns War is a profit Killing fathers and sons With billionaires bloated Greased political palms Then church on a sunday Reading the psalms And people are starving No food in … Continue reading FAT CATS.
First "serious" poem. What the hell are dreams about? I woke up and wrote this. Let me know what you think! Where do we go when we sleep? To far away places? Who do we meet? In ever moving realms Strangers who we'll never see On shifting moving ground Spectrums of colours Dream..land, seen by … Continue reading Where do we go….?
Meeting your maker... popping your clogs... bite the dust.... kicking the bucket..I've had more brushes with death than Evil Knievel and I don't ride a motorcycle or wear the cape. And I definitely haven't tried to jump the Grand Canyon. But I have had a few near misses though. Five heart attacks, a stent, which … Continue reading THE END IS NIGH!
My wife said this morning how much I've mellowed and now I'm a pussycat....."My little pussycat..." I don't know if I should be happy or offended... I don't want to be a pussycat...I want to be a lion.... I DONT WANT TO BE A PUSSYCAT, I WANT TO BE A LION, SAT ON THE SAVANNA, … Continue reading PUSSYCAT OR LION?
It's time to tidy the garden, that's a very good idea, Or do a spot of D.I.Y, it is that time of year, I could cook up some tasty food or just make a cup of tea, But I really can't be arsed, and I badly need a wee, I could paint a masterpiece, make … Continue reading PROCASTINATE
About a year before the pandemic a council estate next to where I live was being flattened to make way for 'Affordable Housing'. All those empty homes attracted vandals who decided they would help with the demolishing. Lighting fires, causing havoc and general mayhem.... Then some bright spark had a good idea... Let professional graffiti … Continue reading PAINTING HOUSES.
I'm a hopeless romantic. And if you're lucky enough to have found a soulmate then you've got it made.... But.... Valentine's Day...Why does it cost three times as much to buy a bunch of flowers? Or double the price for a box of chocolates because they've got a red ribbon on them....And the cards are … Continue reading VALENTINE’S PAY..
How were your school days? Good? Bad?....Well I don't know who said school days are the best days of your life but what an idiot! And they definitely didn't go to my school..... Nowadays teachers and pupils are almost friends the way they are with each other. Back in the 70s when corporal punishment ruled … Continue reading THE FASTEST NUN IN THE WEST….
Most people who have read my blogs will know I had coronavirus last year. A very rough time and for a while we all thought I was going to kick the bucket. But luckily for me that didn't happen so I fully expected to recover, and have done in many respects. That would be that … Continue reading Forever Covid.
My wife has cooked the food Now I'm washing the pots Every single piece of cutlery And I mean lots and lots! I wash, I dry And still no end in sight I'll be knee deep in suds Til the middle of the night So spare a thought as you fall to sleep Tucked up … Continue reading POTS & PANS