Sunrise and sunset photographed from my garden ...
Summer is here! Get out your brollies, Soggy food in your vest and trollies, Here I am, feeling a bit like Cinderella, Going nowhere with a cold sausage and warm can of Stella, Wait! Wait! I see the Sun! Better dry out that burger bun, It's getting hotter! Oh Fantastic! Time to have fun, be … Continue reading Summer time…..
I just bit the bullet and hopped onto the scales. Man alive I've put a stone on since last year. That's about 6 and a half kg to you, I'm still stuck in the old imperial system, this metric malarkey is not for me. It's the long covid diet that's done it. Do very little … Continue reading THE COVID DIET.
I had a battle with a wasp this morning. It was that big I was like a lion tamer with a chair and a whip. It must have been some sort of mutated freak of nature. Big as an american football, a stinger that would kill a giraffe and fangs as sharp as needles! I … Continue reading THE WASP FROM HELL.
I'm a man on the run. The tax men are chasing me! HMRC are on my tail! I've had five phone calls today off different numbers all Repeating the same thing. Automated, same bloke telling me if I don't pay they're going to put out a warrant for my arrest. Press one, it says, to … Continue reading Man on the run!
Jim sucked in his stumHe wanted some funLet the story beginHer name was BrendaThose hips were slenderBut opportunites round here were thinHe gave her the lineWhen they drank the red wine And those pub lights were dimSo Jim brought her homeTheir hands started to roam After drinking most of the ginIn the dance of lustThey … Continue reading One night love.
The weather here is finally warming up. The sky is a beautiful clear blue and the days have lengthened. People walking around with untanned, pale legs and burnt red faces. Summer is waiting in the wings. On the down side it also means the neighbour has his rap music on loud. Now it's not my … Continue reading Gangsta paradise!
What the hell is abstract art? It is a very strange thing to me. Sometimes its looks as if an animal has done it. So I had a think ( I know, I know it's dangerous ) Googled it and would you believe it, animals do actually paint. The one above was painted by Congo … Continue reading MONKEY BUSINESS.
I've been in hospital to have a thing done called an ablation. The doctors insert thin wires up through either side of the groin into arteries that go into the heart. I'm having it done because I have scarring in my heart from previous heart attacks which has been causing arrhythmia, making the old ticker … Continue reading NIGHT NURSE.
I had my second covid vaccination yesterday. Brilliant to get it done. Very quick, very easy. Smooth as clockwork. They give you some paperwork with various things on it like side effects. Today I feel like I've been kicked by a horse. Not a little Shetland pony but a gigantic Shire horse. A very angry … Continue reading The Jab.
A damp chill hung in the air. Drops of rain ran down the windows, racing one another. Shiny puddles danced beneath the sodium lights as I walking into my office. The glass door had my name on it in faded gold lettering. Sam Shovel. Private Dic. Inside, my office was as warm as a Los … Continue reading The mysterious case of the missing toenail clipping….
Mother Nature turned and said, " What have you people done?""I've been here for quite a while spinning around this big old Sun."" You came along and took me for a ride."" Killing and poisoning me, you'll be crying when I've died."" So you think you know better than me?"" Polluting my sky and throwing … Continue reading MOTHER NATURE.
I'm just sat watching the telly and my lord there is some absolute rubbish on. Every channel has been taken over by endless gameshows, rolling news and worst of all, cookery programmes. Chefs are now practically superstars. All for slinging a few ingredients in a pan and charging rediculous prices which people seem happy to … Continue reading Recipe for disaster.
Orange is the deadliest fruit, Take a bite and it will shoot, It's deadly venom into the sky, A direct hit, straight in the eye, Pain hits, have you been stung by a bee? No it's worse than that, blinded by vitamin C, Next time I'm sticking to a granny smith, Cos this sphere of … Continue reading The fruit of death…
I'm sat here listening to the radio,( Queen. Another one bites the dust. What a tune!) taking my morning concoction of tablets for the old ticker and enjoying a tray of fruit. Definitely more than five a day. Healthy body, healthy mind I tell myself, wishing I had a bacon sandwich instead, with fried mushrooms … Continue reading Kale v Bacon.
It's funny really but I thought poetry was just for 'Arty Farty' types (apologies to any Arty Farty types out there) and not a numbskull like me. How wrong I was! Turns out I've been really enjoying it here. So I wrote a few. I only ever intended to do a couple of small blogs..... … Continue reading The Bransholme Cowboy.
The wind blew the tree and the tree danced back Branches creaked Murderous crows swooped and squawked Laughing from above Black sillouettes on gray pallete Dappled leaves lazily float away to pile and decay Bark, withered like old skin It's roots twist and turn, burrow into earth and stone Standing, grown through seasons past Summers … Continue reading TREE.
Oh man..... technology wins yet again... Every Braincell has been used. Every dark recess of my mind has been searched and still it's a no no. Damn this modern , fast paced, super speedy world we live in. All I want to do is change my menu and put my blogs and poems separately but … Continue reading Lost in space two…the revenge of the menu.
Pump the iron make the Hulk look puny, Jog till you drop like a demented loony, Flexing in red shorts looking mean and moody, Plenty of Punch with a touch of Judy, Up at six addicted to sweat, Kale smoothie at eight, I wouldn't touch that for a bet, The vainest man that I ever … Continue reading Muscle.
A barking dog and a big white van, Early morning frost and a dustbin man, Kids go to School via the bakers shop, Four sausage rolls make your heart say stop, Smoking mother's chewing the fat, Pass a wrinkled man in an old woolly hat, Straight to the bookies, his money will diminish, Bellow at … Continue reading THESE STREETS..
I don't know where you live but here in Britain the dialects, accents vary greatly from place to place. What somebody says in one part of the country might not make any sense in another part. Here in Hull we have quite a few different words for things. A back alley is called a ten … Continue reading A DEAD BOD.
My wife walked slowly backward into the living room, her shaking hand pointing and said, " Massive rat in the garden......" A bit like Chief Brody in Jaws when he sees the Great White up close and personal. I jumped up, well slowly rose, knees popping, bones creaking and had a look but the blighter … Continue reading Dancing with Rats.
" Ug ug?" the Caveman said kindly to his one and only, " Ug!Ug!" she snapped, sick to death of his baloney, "Ug....ug?" he said, his large forehead frowning, "UG!!UG!!uuggg!" she raged, her chest starts 'a'pounding, "....ug? " he says and glanced around the cave, " Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug," she shouts, sick of … Continue reading The very first argument in the world..
I sail the boat, the good ship 'Me', Through gales, wind, and stormy sea, Crushed, smashed, a broken sail, Hold the wheel, I must prevail... The good ship 'Me' plows proudly on, Cut through the blue, the clouds are gone, The sun shines down, the sky is clear, Gaze to the horizon, it holds no … Continue reading The Good ship, Me.
We have so much cash Send a Rover to Mars Satellites and rockets All the way to the stars Spend millions on bombs Bullets and guns War is a profit Killing fathers and sons With billionaires bloated Greased political palms Then church on a sunday Reading the psalms And people are starving No food in … Continue reading FAT CATS.
First "serious" poem. What the hell are dreams about? I woke up and wrote this. Let me know what you think! Where do we go when we sleep? To far away places? Who do we meet? In ever moving realms Strangers who we'll never see On shifting moving ground Spectrums of colours Dream..land, seen by … Continue reading Where do we go….?
Meeting your maker... popping your clogs... bite the dust.... kicking the bucket..I've had more brushes with death than Evil Knievel and I don't ride a motorcycle or wear the cape. And I definitely haven't tried to jump the Grand Canyon. But I have had a few near misses though. Five heart attacks, a stent, which … Continue reading THE END IS NIGH!
My wife said this morning how much I've mellowed and now I'm a pussycat....."My little pussycat..." I don't know if I should be happy or offended... I don't want to be a pussycat...I want to be a lion.... I DONT WANT TO BE A PUSSYCAT, I WANT TO BE A LION, SAT ON THE SAVANNA, … Continue reading PUSSYCAT OR LION?
It's time to tidy the garden, that's a very good idea, Or do a spot of D.I.Y, it is that time of year, I could cook up some tasty food or just make a cup of tea, But I really can't be arsed, and I badly need a wee, I could paint a masterpiece, make … Continue reading PROCASTINATE
About a year before the pandemic a council estate next to where I live was being flattened to make way for 'Affordable Housing'. All those empty homes attracted vandals who decided they would help with the demolishing. Lighting fires, causing havoc and general mayhem.... Then some bright spark had a good idea... Let professional graffiti … Continue reading PAINTING HOUSES.