" Your lights are on...but no one's home..." The famous opening line from Robert Palmer's hit song, Addicted to Love. Remember that 1980s video with the supermodels playing the instruments and Robert looking very dapper? It's very apt for the contestants on Love Island. All muscle, tattoo's, and sun kissed beauties pouting. It's everything I … Continue reading Addicted to Love (Island)
Life takes us down a twisty, turny path sometimes doesn't it. Haven't felt like blogging much these last few weeks. Four months ago my first grandchild was born. A beautiful boy named after me. How can you have that much love for someone you haven't seen before? Crazy. Anyway he hasn't been very well, in … Continue reading Life
What are your plans for this weekend? Anything exciting? I'm thinking of taking my private jet to the south of France and stay on my super yacht for a day or two. Or maybe go a little bit further, skim across the sea to Tuscany and visit my favourite restaurant, La Donk'e Hoof. The head … Continue reading Weekend Plans?
Summer is here! Get out your brollies, Soggy food in your vest and trollies, Here I am, feeling a bit like Cinderella, Going nowhere with a cold sausage and warm can of Stella, Wait! Wait! I see the Sun! Better dry out that burger bun, It's getting hotter! Oh Fantastic! Time to have fun, be … Continue reading Summer time…..
I'm a man on the run. The tax men are chasing me! HMRC are on my tail! I've had five phone calls today off different numbers all Repeating the same thing. Automated, same bloke telling me if I don't pay they're going to put out a warrant for my arrest. Press one, it says, to … Continue reading Man on the run!
Jim sucked in his stumHe wanted some funLet the story beginHer name was BrendaThose hips were slenderBut opportunites round here were thinHe gave her the lineWhen they drank the red wine And those pub lights were dimSo Jim brought her homeTheir hands started to roam After drinking most of the ginIn the dance of lustThey … Continue reading One night love.
I've been in hospital to have a thing done called an ablation. The doctors insert thin wires up through either side of the groin into arteries that go into the heart. I'm having it done because I have scarring in my heart from previous heart attacks which has been causing arrhythmia, making the old ticker … Continue reading NIGHT NURSE.
Orange is the deadliest fruit, Take a bite and it will shoot, It's deadly venom into the sky, A direct hit, straight in the eye, Pain hits, have you been stung by a bee? No it's worse than that, blinded by vitamin C, Next time I'm sticking to a granny smith, Cos this sphere of … Continue reading The fruit of death…
The wind blew the tree and the tree danced back Branches creaked Murderous crows swooped and squawked Laughing from above Black sillouettes on gray pallete Dappled leaves lazily float away to pile and decay Bark, withered like old skin It's roots twist and turn, burrow into earth and stone Standing, grown through seasons past Summers … Continue reading TREE.
Oh man..... technology wins yet again... Every Braincell has been used. Every dark recess of my mind has been searched and still it's a no no. Damn this modern , fast paced, super speedy world we live in. All I want to do is change my menu and put my blogs and poems separately but … Continue reading Lost in space two…the revenge of the menu.
Pump the iron make the Hulk look puny, Jog till you drop like a demented loony, Flexing in red shorts looking mean and moody, Plenty of Punch with a touch of Judy, Up at six addicted to sweat, Kale smoothie at eight, I wouldn't touch that for a bet, The vainest man that I ever … Continue reading Muscle.
A barking dog and a big white van, Early morning frost and a dustbin man, Kids go to School via the bakers shop, Four sausage rolls make your heart say stop, Smoking mother's chewing the fat, Pass a wrinkled man in an old woolly hat, Straight to the bookies, his money will diminish, Bellow at … Continue reading THESE STREETS..
My wife walked slowly backward into the living room, her shaking hand pointing and said, " Massive rat in the garden......" A bit like Chief Brody in Jaws when he sees the Great White up close and personal. I jumped up, well slowly rose, knees popping, bones creaking and had a look but the blighter … Continue reading Dancing with Rats.
" Ug ug?" the Caveman said kindly to his one and only, " Ug!Ug!" she snapped, sick to death of his baloney, "Ug....ug?" he said, his large forehead frowning, "UG!!UG!!uuggg!" she raged, her chest starts 'a'pounding, "....ug? " he says and glanced around the cave, " Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug," she shouts, sick of … Continue reading The very first argument in the world..
I sail the boat, the good ship 'Me', Through gales, wind, and stormy sea, Crushed, smashed, a broken sail, Hold the wheel, I must prevail... The good ship 'Me' plows proudly on, Cut through the blue, the clouds are gone, The sun shines down, the sky is clear, Gaze to the horizon, it holds no … Continue reading The Good ship, Me.
Meeting your maker... popping your clogs... bite the dust.... kicking the bucket..I've had more brushes with death than Evil Knievel and I don't ride a motorcycle or wear the cape. And I definitely haven't tried to jump the Grand Canyon. But I have had a few near misses though. Five heart attacks, a stent, which … Continue reading THE END IS NIGH!
My wife said this morning how much I've mellowed and now I'm a pussycat....."My little pussycat..." I don't know if I should be happy or offended... I don't want to be a pussycat...I want to be a lion.... I DONT WANT TO BE A PUSSYCAT, I WANT TO BE A LION, SAT ON THE SAVANNA, … Continue reading PUSSYCAT OR LION?
It's time to tidy the garden, that's a very good idea, Or do a spot of D.I.Y, it is that time of year, I could cook up some tasty food or just make a cup of tea, But I really can't be arsed, and I badly need a wee, I could paint a masterpiece, make … Continue reading PROCASTINATE
Most people who have read my blogs will know I had coronavirus last year. A very rough time and for a while we all thought I was going to kick the bucket. But luckily for me that didn't happen so I fully expected to recover, and have done in many respects. That would be that … Continue reading Forever Covid.
Long covid diary... Day two hundred and twenty eight.....and counting. I'm feeling a bit better than I did I'm happy to report. I've gone from death's door, then feeling absolutely shite to terrible. Now I'm currently fairly crap which is a positive. And I don't want to tempt fate but I'm slowly on the up. … Continue reading Covid Race 2…..
First of May nineteen sixty five. An amazing event occurred. The angels sang, the heavens shook and flags were unfurled. I came into this world. I don't know exactly what time because I didn't have my watch on but one second it was dark the next thing it's very bright and some bloke in a … Continue reading TODAY’S THE DAY.