HO HO HO?

Oh God Christmas adverts are on…all these happy families in happy houses smiling at each other in festive jumpers. The new John Lewis advert is out ( so does anybody actually shop in John Lewis?!) and it’s just plain weird, involving an alien and a kid. I wish the silver faced invader would zap the lad with a laser or something then bugger off back to Mars or wherever. All the rest are very similar. A perfect Christmas with snow included. It hasn’t snow here on Christmas day for years. In fact thanks to global warming last year we were in tee shirts!

These adverts are amazing. The Christmas table is a feast from a Dickens novel. Couples in new clothes drinking champers under mistletoe while loving brothers and sisters play with the latest gadgets, laughing and having festive fun. Granny and Grandad sat gazing at each other eating After Eights. Even the dog is well groomed with tinsel for a collar. Ah the magic of Christmas…. It’s a pity they don’t a real one though. The couple arguing in the kitchen because he’s burnt the pigs in blankets and the gravy is lumpy. She’s already had three double gins so the turkey slipped out of the oven onto the floor and the scrawny dog nicked a leg and ran off. If they hear Last Christmas one more time it just might be the last. The kids are getting right on your nerves because you didn’t go to bed till four in the morning putting the right present into the right sack. Not many Christmas chuckles at that time of night, unless you’re Santa of course. The in- laws sat around drinking and pretending to like you, for one day anyway, and the kids arguing over the new fifa 22 with faces smeared in chocolate from selection boxes. No one being sick later in the toilet that you spent half the morning cleaning, no broken glasses or beer spilt on the new rug you bought especially for Christmas. And when everybody has finally gone the house looks like squatters have been living there for a month. Maybe next year’s Christmas advert? Ho Ho Ho!

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