HO HO HO?

Oh God Christmas adverts are on…all these happy families in happy houses smiling at each other in festive jumpers. The new John Lewis advert is out ( so does anybody actually shop in John Lewis?!) and it’s just plain weird, involving an alien and a kid. I wish the silver faced invader would zap the lad with a laser or something then bugger off back to Mars or wherever. All the rest are very similar. A perfect Christmas with snow included. It hasn’t snow here on Christmas day for years. In fact thanks to global warming last year we were in tee shirts!

These adverts are amazing. The Christmas table is a feast from a Dickens novel. Couples in new clothes drinking champers under mistletoe while loving brothers and sisters play with the latest gadgets, laughing and having festive fun. Granny and Grandad sat gazing at each other eating After Eights. Even the dog is well groomed with tinsel for a collar. Ah the magic of Christmas…. It’s a pity they don’t a real one though. The couple arguing in the kitchen because he’s burnt the pigs in blankets and the gravy is lumpy. She’s already had three double gins so the turkey slipped out of the oven onto the floor and the scrawny dog nicked a leg and ran off. If they hear Last Christmas one more time it just might be the last. The kids are getting right on you’re nerves because you didn’t go to bed till four in the morning putting the right present into the right sack. Not many Christmas chuckles at that time of night, unless you’re Santa of course. The in- laws sat around drinking and pretending to like you, for one day anyway, and the kids arguing over the new fifa 22 with faces smeared in chocolate from selection boxes. No one being sick later in the toilet that you spent half the morning cleaning, no broken glasses or beer spilt on the new rug you bought especially for Christmas. And when everybody has finally gone the house looks like squatters have been living there for a month. Maybe next year’s Christmas advert? Ho Ho Ho!

25 Replies to “HO HO HO?”

      1. 😂 I agree with you about all the crappy Christmas adverts we have to put up with. Our local garden centre starts putting up its Christmas trimmings in September, FFS!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Lucky you 😂 just take a trip to the Lake District: it’s bloody well crawling with them! (They’re the ones in the posh jackets without ferrets…)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. The Christmas ads have started way too soon here too, it’s really annoying! Christmas is just a bargain hunt and consumerism today. Nobody seems to recall what Christmas is actually about today. Christ mas!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yuck. I hate all the phoney baloney ads and push, push, push to shop. We stopped buying presents years ago (kids are exempted). We just spend the day together over a good meal (not turkey) and socialise and enjoy each other’s company.

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  3. You are a great loss to the advertising industry. I intend spending as long as possible sitting round in my nightshirt and socks watching TV and eating turkey sandwiches. If I can, I will spend the whole week this way, between the festival of forced jollity and the pretence that I’m looking forward to 2022. In other words, I’m with you on this one . . .

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  4. So, you’ve had a peep in the window of my son’s house on Christmas Day, have you? There is no Peace on Earth and definitely no Good Will to All. My husband and I are surrounded by screaming, crying grand kids fighting over who got which Legos. The deviled eggs and cheese ball appetizers are anything but appetizing. In fact I’m sure eating just one will result in food poisoning. And to top it all off the St. Bernard “puppy” is chasing the family’s two terrorized cats around the house while my daughter-in-law tries prying the over-baked lasagna (made with cheddar cheese!) out of the pan. I love my family – God knows I do – but I just want to be home alone in my nightie, sipping hot cocoa by the fireside while gazing at our Christmas tree and listening to Nat King Cole. Now that’s what I call a Merry Christmas! Thanks for your very funny story and for giving me a brilliant idea for a holiday story of my own! Ho! Ho! Ho! 🎅🏼 🎄 🤯

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