blog death nature wild.

Intensive Scare.

So there I was in the garden, sun shining, busying around like Alan Titchmarsh on speed. Cutting the tree back a bit and getting rid of the jungle at the bottom of the garden. It’s that overgrown I expected a couple of blue arsed baboon’s to jump out it’s that lush. I had an itchy nose so I rubbed it with a leafy arm but just made it far worse. You know when you get a mad itch? So I threw my glove off and scratched my snitch. What a great feeling it is. That accomplished I put out my hand and it caught the old fence. The pain! Good God help me my hand felt severed! I squeezed my eyes shut….damn I’ve been splintered! It felt massive, like a skewer, practically through my finger. Why did I take my glove off? Should I ring an ambulance? Give me gas and air! Get me in resus! My hand needs reattaching! I slowly opened my teary eyes and gazed at the path. I had to get in and sit down. The world was spinning, turning black as I began to faint. I think I need a tourniquet. Don’t panic Vin don’t panic. I looked down to see the offended wooden intruder….the bloody thing was tiny. Why are they so painful? Luckily for me a minute piece of the spell stuck out slightly so with the other shaky hand I pulled it out with a yelp. That fence is lethal. Bits of wood as sharp as piranhas teeth. Any unfortunate burglar trying to climb over that will have no hands left by the time he gets to the other side. All this excitement has made me thirsty. Maybe a tea break before I crack on with the jungle….I’m sure I just heard Tarzan in there calling….AHHHH AHHH AHAAHHHH!

By Vinny

Middle aged geriatric from Hull, England.Slighty mad but aren't we all?

22 replies on “Intensive Scare.”

The first cut is the deepest (or something like that!) Kinda like those damn paper cuts, right? A doctor friend of mine once explained that a cut – even a stab – will actually hurt more than your hand or arm being severed. Weird, right? I’ll take his word for it! It seems the body sends signals to the brain that something really traumatic happened and it temporarily shuts off the pain. Ever see a guy walk into the emergency room clutching his dangling arm to his side? Yeah, that’s why. The less invasive injuries hurt more cos the brain hasn’t shut down and turned off the pain. Still, those bloody paper cuts are a royal pain in the arse and I’ve seen grown men cry over them so scream like bloody Tarzan. We will not judge you, Vin! 😩


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