Carnivorous vegetarian…

I don’t know were I went wrong… I come from a long line of meat pie eaters going far back to the middle ages. In fact if you look carefully at the Bayeux tapestry, you can clearly see one of my ancestors chomping on a Cornish pastie as King Harold gets the arrow in his eye. So I blame it on my wife’s side that my two daughters are vegan, and have been for many years now, long before it became trendy. They have both tried to change me but cous cous was no alternative to a pork chop. And as for quinoa, let’s be honest, it’s like eating sawdust from a rabbits cage, but less tasty, in my humble opinion. The delights of tofu just didn’t grab me, I’d rather chew an old school rubber that’s been left in a classroom desk, gathering dust for years.

But gradually, slowly things have changed. A vegan shepherd’s pie is a delight, as is a soya spag bol or a veggie curry. It does play up the guts abit though. My stomach thinks, ‘What’s happening….? What is this stuff? Get it out! Now!!’ Or occasionally, it goes the other way, bunged up tighter than a cork in a champagne bottle, until, thankfully, I go pop!

I never thought I’d be happy eating a vegan pizza but my God it’s tasty. I’m not saying it’ll ever replace a chicken or a beef dinner but I’m definitely sliding more into the realms of vegetarianism, much my surprise. I might even end up like Morrissey, my arse pocket full of half dead shrubbery, crying out “Meat is murder!” Linda Macartney here I come. Mind you, having said all that, quinoa is still off the menu and to be honest I’d kill for a steak right now….