The workout

All these older people who pay ludicrous prices to work out in a gym are nuts. And you don’t need these indoor bike apps were you sit in front of the telly, wobbling away and sweating, breathing your last breath as an insane voice shouts at you to go faster. All you need is a […]

The wedding. (Part one)

“No we don’t need to get married… We’re not bothered” Three years ago….. “We just don’t want all the fuss…” Two years ago… We might one day. Who knows?” Eighteen months ago.. “We might get married next year…” Four months ago… “Maybe next April…” Two months ago… “What are you doing on the twenty sixth […]

The Ick…

Never knew what the Ick was until I watched Love Island (Don’t be judging me) and apparently it’s when a woman goes off a man… A gin and tonicHe feels bionicDoesn’t know it’s just platonicIt’s catastrophicShe’s catatonicBored to tears it’s unharmonicHe’s philamonicStereophonicFlying high,supersonicHe’s just colonicSubmoronicAvoid him like the plague bubonicHe goes erratic She gets sardonicCrack’s […]

FRANK.

Jimmy quietly put on his clothes in the half darkness. Wallet, keys, angina spray, all ready to go. He opened his door slowly, peeking out, giving the corridor a quick left right. All clear. Operation Daytrip was well and truly on. He could hear coughing in a room as he passed. Margaret was up, spluttering […]

Addicted to Love (Island)

” Your lights are on…but no one’s home…” The famous opening line from Robert Palmer’s hit song, Addicted to Love. Remember that 1980s video with the supermodels playing the instruments and Robert looking very dapper? It’s very apt for the contestants on Love Island. All muscle, tattoo’s, and sun kissed beauties pouting. It’s everything I […]

One night love.

Jim sucked in his stumHe wanted some funLet the story beginHer name was BrendaThose hips were slenderBut opportunites round here were thinHe gave her the lineWhen they drank the red wine And those pub lights were dimSo Jim brought her homeTheir hands started to roam After drinking most of the ginIn the dance of lustThey […]

VALENTINE’S PAY..

I’m a hopeless romantic. And if you’re lucky enough to have found a soulmate then you’ve got it made…. But…. Valentine’s Day…Why does it cost three times as much to buy a bunch of flowers? Or double the price for a box of chocolates because they’ve got a red ribbon on them….And the cards are […]