Categories
crime, feet, mystery, funny

The mysterious case of the missing toenail clipping….

A damp chill hung in the air. Drops of rain ran down the windows, racing one another. Shiny puddles danced beneath the sodium lights as I walking into my office. The glass door had my name on it in faded gold lettering. Sam Shovel. Private Dic. Inside, my office was as warm as a Los […]

Categories
food, chefs, TV, funny

Recipe for disaster.

I’m just sat watching the telly and my lord there is some absolute rubbish on. Every channel has been taken over by endless gameshows, rolling news and worst of all, cookery programmes. Chefs are now practically superstars. All for slinging a few ingredients in a pan and charging rediculous prices which people seem happy to […]

Categories
#funny muscle, fitness, vanity poem

Muscle.

Pump the iron make the Hulk look puny, Jog till you drop like a demented loony, Flexing in red shorts looking mean and moody, Plenty of Punch with a touch of Judy, Up at six addicted to sweat, Kale smoothie at eight, I wouldn’t touch that for a bet, The vainest man that I ever […]

Categories
Birds, art, money, true

A DEAD BOD.

I don’t know where you live but here in Britain the dialects, accents vary greatly from place to place. What somebody says in one part of the country might not make any sense in another part. Here in Hull we have quite a few different words for things. A back alley is called a ten […]

Categories
#funny #nature life rats

Dancing with Rats.

My wife walked slowly backward into the living room, her shaking hand pointing and said, ” Massive rat in the garden……” A bit like Chief Brody in Jaws when he sees the Great White up close and personal. I jumped up, well slowly rose, knees popping, bones creaking and had a look but the blighter […]

Categories
#funny #love caveman poem

The very first argument in the world..

” Ug ug?” the Caveman said kindly to his one and only, ” Ug!Ug!” she snapped, sick to death of his baloney, “Ug….ug?” he said, his large forehead frowning, “UG!!UG!!uuggg!” she raged, her chest starts ‘a’pounding, “….ug? ” he says and glanced around the cave, ” Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug,” she shouts, sick of […]

Categories
#funny Religion School days

THE FASTEST NUN IN THE WEST….

How were your school days? Good? Bad?….Well I don’t know who said school days are the best days of your life but what an idiot! And they definitely didn’t go to my school….. Nowadays teachers and pupils are almost friends the way they are with each other. Back in the 70s when corporal punishment ruled […]

Categories
poem

POTS & PANS

My wife has cooked the food Now I’m washing the pots Every single piece of cutlery And I mean lots and lots! I wash, I dry And still no end in sight I’ll be knee deep in suds Til the middle of the night So spare a thought as you fall to sleep Tucked up […]