I know nature is a wonderful thing, our planet is amazing isn’t it, from the highest peaks of The Andes to the black, bottomless oceans. Creatures of all kinds, from plankton to whales, ants to elephants it really is incredible. And one thing I like about wild animals, birds especially, they are much better at […]
That tinny ringing in my ear goes on for a while… “Hello….welcome to ******bank…. So we can help you please listen to the following options….. Oh God… Press one for telephone banking. Two for any unauthorized transactions. Three for lost or stolen cards. Four to activate your new card. Press five to hear this again […]
Had a brief chat with a very Scottish gentleman yesterday about his dog. He said, “Fbhgrggvi.. kadfvggc.. Staffie! gswrgxjhug ..bad press! Dinnae srthvfdk ..great dog!” I nodded, patted the hound, not my favourite canine in the world and half expecting the beast to bite my hand clean off. “Dnjgryggvt dytf!…soft!” I haven’t got a thing […]
A couple of weeks ago I went to a place I vowed never to go back to….My first experience there was horrific… A nightmare that left me emotional scarred for life…I still can’t eat a chicken sandwich without having a flashback……. Many moons ago we were doing a bit of shopping and my wife said, […]
A one legged pirate from Tring Hopped the jive, a foxtrot and swing The samba he slipped, fell over and tripped And ended both arms in a sling!
Jimmy quietly put on his clothes in the half darkness. Wallet, keys, angina spray, all ready to go. He opened his door slowly, peeking out, giving the corridor a quick left right. All clear. Operation Daytrip was well and truly on. He could hear coughing in a room as he passed. Margaret was up, spluttering […]
For some people, catching covid isn’t just a feeling bad for a few days thing. For some, it leaves little gifts along the way. For me one of them is tinnitus. It’s driven me nuts for nearly two years now. That constant high pitched whistling from morning till night has, at times been so loud […]
What if Diago married Donna? Or Billy went on Holiday? Did George C Scott? Is Bill Withers? Would Ludvig beet Hoven? Is Gene Wilder? And is Taylor Swift? Would Chevy chase? What if Julius Caesar? Will Sam Neill? Brian May… Natalie Wood….
Oh God Christmas adverts are on…all these happy families in happy houses smiling at each other in festive jumpers. The new John Lewis advert is out ( so does anybody actually shop in John Lewis?!) and it’s just plain weird, involving an alien and a kid. I wish the silver faced invader would zap the […]
A one legged pigeon from Sheffield, Very cool,laid back and quite chilled, He hopped and he pecked, Half can of beer he necked, Then hiccuped, swore and then keeled! I was sat outside Sheffield hospital just minding my own business when this one legged wonder appeared. His friend got even closer then both of them […]
I just bit the bullet and hopped onto the scales. Man alive I’ve put a stone on since last year. That’s about 6 and a half kg to you, I’m still stuck in the old imperial system, this metric malarkey is not for me. It’s the long covid diet that’s done it. Do very little […]
Jim sucked in his stumHe wanted some funLet the story beginHer name was BrendaThose hips were slenderBut opportunites round here were thinHe gave her the lineWhen they drank the red wine And those pub lights were dimSo Jim brought her homeTheir hands started to roam After drinking most of the ginIn the dance of lustThey […]