Eton CollegeThe place to beGet to the topAll things parliamentaryConservative leadersChurned out, never stopReminds me ofAn Indian sweatshopMoulded by moneySculptured on powerChiselled in arroganceThey grow to devourAnd the future brightWith these Tory boysOur country their playgroundAnd we are the toys.
Never knew what the Ick was until I watched Love Island (Don’t be judging me) and apparently it’s when a woman goes off a man… A gin and tonicHe feels bionicDoesn’t know it’s just platonicIt’s catastrophicShe’s catatonicBored to tears it’s unharmonicHe’s philamonicStereophonicFlying high,supersonicHe’s just colonicSubmoronicAvoid him like the plague bubonicHe goes erratic She gets sardonicCrack’s […]
A one legged pirate from Tring Hopped the jive, a foxtrot and swing The samba he slipped, fell over and tripped And ended both arms in a sling!
Clever people get right on my nerves, nine letters on Countdown, all consonants and verbs, Mastermind baffles my spec of a brain, specialist subjects, drive me insane, University challenge, who needs all that knowledge? same winners each year, Oxford, Kings College, I turn it all off cos it makes me feel thick as a plank, […]
MY PASSPORT IS BRAND NEW, BUT I LOOK ALL OUT OF KILTER THAT SHADOW ACROSS MY NOSE, GIVES ME A TASH LIKE ADOLF HITLER IS THAT MY FACE? BLANK AS PAPER, NO SMILE OR LAUGHING EYES? SHOULD BE IN A SHOP WINDOW, A MANNEQUIN IN DISGUISE HOW DID THEY LET ME OUT OF THE COUNTRY? […]
Arnold Schwarzenegger, got nothing on me, I could eat The Predator for my tea, Make Chuck Norris cry and Steven Seagal weep, Leave Sly Stallone in an emotional heap, Put Tyson Fury on the floor, Freddy Krueger would be no more, Finally put Michael Myers in his grave, Russell Crowe would be my slave, Bruce […]
FUN IN THE SUN!
Flying away to sand and sun, a little hanky panky, with some girl, name unknown, ouzo breathe, quite lanky, Wakey wakey! The Brits are here, the yobs are back in town, The girls aren’t too far behind, how many drinks can they down? Booming sound and flashing lights, drink and pop those pills, No pail […]
The fruit of death…
Orange is the deadliest fruit, Take a bite and it will shoot, It’s deadly venom into the sky, A direct hit, straight in the eye, Pain hits, have you been stung by a bee? No it’s worse than that, blinded by vitamin C, Next time I’m sticking to a granny smith, Cos this sphere of […]
Pump the iron make the Hulk look puny, Jog till you drop like a demented loony, Flexing in red shorts looking mean and moody, Plenty of Punch with a touch of Judy, Up at six addicted to sweat, Kale smoothie at eight, I wouldn’t touch that for a bet, The vainest man that I ever […]
A barking dog and a big white van, Early morning frost and a dustbin man, Kids go to School via the bakers shop, Four sausage rolls make your heart say stop, Smoking mother’s chewing the fat, Pass a wrinkled man in an old woolly hat, Straight to the bookies, his money will diminish, Bellow at […]
The very first argument in the world..
” Ug ug?” the Caveman said kindly to his one and only, ” Ug!Ug!” she snapped, sick to death of his baloney, “Ug….ug?” he said, his large forehead frowning, “UG!!UG!!uuggg!” she raged, her chest starts ‘a’pounding, “….ug? ” he says and glanced around the cave, ” Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug. Ug,” she shouts, sick of […]
The Good ship, Me.
I sail the boat, the good ship ‘Me’, Through gales, wind, and stormy sea, Crushed, smashed, a broken sail, Hold the wheel, I must prevail… The good ship ‘Me’ plows proudly on, Cut through the blue, the clouds are gone, The sun shines down, the sky is clear, Gaze to the horizon, it holds no […]