Categories
life funny health, food, money blog

Followers

I’ve been a busy bunny lately with a few things so the blogging has taken a bit of a back seat. Just looking at my messages and apparently I have new ‘Followers’. My lord I’m so popular! My blog is reaching the masses! I’m going worldwide! But I’ve got to be honest, some of them […]

Categories
blog Brain strain Czech food funny

Zelny Salat…

Greetings from Hradec Kralove! Well the language barrier seems to be getting bigger, not smaller here. I had a conversation with a lady behind a meat/cheese/salad counter yesterday. It started badly, then got worse and ended up a car crash. I was glancing at the coleslaw, all different kinds and it all looked a bit […]

Categories
blog Boris, sleaze, politics.party funny money

Captain Johnson

If Boris Johnson was the Captain of the Titanic….. “Let’s not dither and delay! Yes the waters have been choppy and the iceberg was avoidable! But I’ve already made significant change’s. The lookouts have assured me no party took place. It’s time to put it behind us and get the job done!” “But a third […]

Categories
blog cartoons funny Scooby doo

SCOOBY POO!

Scooby Doo came on telly the other day. I used to love cartoons when I was a kid, Tom and Jerry, Daffy duck, Speedy Gonzales that kind of thing. But my favourite had to be Scooby. All those adventures with monsters and werewolves that turned out to be the caretaker or the bank manager. Those […]

Categories
blog DIY funny intelligence, brains, clever,

Back door blues…

So the dining room door has dropped…. You have to kind of lift the handle to close it with a grinding snap, the whole frame shuddering, a 5.5 on the Richter scale. I tell myself it’s a five, ten minute job, no problem. But nearly an hour later I’m scratching my head with the door […]

Categories
blog funny health, food, life

All I want is a sandwich….

A couple of weeks ago I went to a place I vowed never to go back to….My first experience there was horrific… A nightmare that left me emotional scarred for life…I still can’t eat a chicken sandwich without having a flashback……. Many moons ago we were doing a bit of shopping and my wife said, […]

Categories
funny poem relationship The Ick

The Ick…

Never knew what the Ick was until I watched Love Island (Don’t be judging me) and apparently it’s when a woman goes off a man… A gin and tonicHe feels bionicDoesn’t know it’s just platonicIt’s catastrophicShe’s catatonicBored to tears it’s unharmonicHe’s philamonicStereophonicFlying high,supersonicHe’s just colonicSubmoronicAvoid him like the plague bubonicHe goes erratic She gets sardonicCrack’s […]

Categories
Christmas,poetry. elf on the shelf funny

Elf

My dearest Elf……. Please Elf on the shelf You’re so full of impish fun But if I see you one more time I’ll dig out my tommy gun Go back from where you came That factory faraway in China That little creepy face of yours Is giving me angina And if I see you near […]

Categories
#Poems funny nature SUMMER

Summer time…..

Summer is here! Get out your brollies, Soggy food in your vest and trollies, Here I am, feeling a bit like Cinderella, Going nowhere with a cold sausage and warm can of Stella, Wait! Wait! I see the Sun! Better dry out that burger bun, It’s getting hotter! Oh Fantastic! Time to have fun, be […]

Categories
#nature funny Wasps, killer bees

THE WASP FROM HELL.

I had a battle with a wasp this morning. It was that big I was like a lion tamer with a chair and a whip. It must have been some sort of mutated freak of nature. Big as an american football, a stinger that would kill a giraffe and fangs as sharp as needles! I […]

Categories
#money funny life scams

Man on the run!

I’m a man on the run. The tax men are chasing me! HMRC are on my tail! I’ve had five phone calls today off different numbers all Repeating the same thing. Automated, same bloke telling me if I don’t pay they’re going to put out a warrant for my arrest. Press one, it says, to […]