Shocking!

Bloody DIY….. The curse strike’s again…

“Let’s get an electrician in….”

“What! And get charged a hundred quid to change a light fitting?.. No way José!”

Maybe I should have rang an electrician… Electrics are not my strong point. Several years ago I fitted a fanlight in the living room and when you flicked the switch the hallway light came on. So when our bedroom light gave up the ghost I wasn’t too pleased but it was summer, light nights and all that. Now the sun is doing a runner it’ll be dark by five o’clock. We have a lamp that’s as bright as a dying candle, casting a dim Halloween glow, or more like a dutch knocking shop.

So I’ve taken photos as was told to do by Geoff off YouTube. I think he’s an electrician as he has one of those DIY belts. You know the ones, they have screwdrivers, hammers the works. He’s not great on ladders though. I think the poor bloke has vertigo because he wobbles like a jelly in a earthquake. He was ok but then the video cut and when he came back he had a black eye and a bandage on his forehead. He didn’t really fill me with enthusiasm to be honest.

Next is Tony. Now he says he’s a qualified electrician and even has his company name on his tee-shirt. He is a big lad, obviously not a fan of quinoa salad, or a bar of soap by the look of him. He still had crumbs around his meaty chops and kept muffling all the way through. Think he must have pieces of meat pie stuck in his teeth because I couldn’t understand a word of it.

So with new knowledge and the enthusiasm of a man going to the gallows I mounted the steps. Getting the old fitting off was easy. I’m thinking this won’t be too bad but the next three hours were a mixture of hope, frustration, disappointment and just plain pissed off. And now I know what hell is like. Stuck up a step ladder with a small torch in my mouth, squinting at the tiny screws and trying to change the coloured wires for the fifteenth time while on the radio Timmy Mallett starts singing Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini… God help me…

Thankfully all is sorted now, well nearly… When you flush the toilet the lights downstairs come on….