Categories
fairy tail, justice, Goldilocks, funny,

Once upon a time..

I’m writing a book. It’s a thrilling thriller. When I say I’m writing it’s just the first page so far, well the title anyway. It’s called GOLDILOCKS. THE REVENGE. The story goes like this… After the porridge incident Goldie becomes a delinquent, in and out of junvinile courts and blames those bears dressed as humans for it all. So she goes back to their home, creeping back in as they stupidly hadn’t changed the locks even though they’d been burgled previously. She turns them into rugs and flees the house in the woods. After awhile she smells burning and sees a very pretty little home made of gingerbread. Black smoke billows out of the open front door. She goes inside and horrifying gazes at a sweet old lady burnt to a crisp. Just then the police turn up and blame her for the crime. Two young witnesses with strange names both point at her saying, ” She did it!” Goldie is found guilty of not only the murders of the three bears but killing a sweet old lonely hermit. The judge sentences her to five hundred years imprisonment plus a sixty pound fine and three points on her license…Fast forward thirty years…She now has more tattoos than a Mexican gang member, with a big G on her meaty arm. She eventually escapes incarceration by digging a tunnel with a toothpick and hiding the earth in the prison food. She is free..and she wants vengeance…

Her hands are hard. HATE is tattooed on her left and MORE HATE on the right. Her neck is adorned with golden chains, making her look like Mr T, only angrier. One thing is on her mind…to kill those two kids now adults for putting her in jail. Hansel now lives a life of luxury in Abu Dhabi. Gretel went back to the woods and shared a commune with seven little people and a pale looking woman. Anyhow Goldie finds Hansel and a fight ensues on top of a skyscraper. The two of them slugging it out as a sandstorm approaches..Goldie runs at Hansel and they both topple off the building, she screams like a banshee as the two of them fall over the edge, disappearing into the storm…the wind blows as the sand clears…Hansel hangs there. A very long haired woman had stuck her head out to see what the noise was about and this handsome stranger clung on with all his might. She yanks her dark locks upward and pull the tired hero to safety. Eyes meet and they fall in love. Goldilocks? Who knows? She vanished in that crazy storm and is never seen again…as for Gretel? She gets eaten by a big bad wolf on his way to blow over a straw house with a frightened pig in it But Hansel and Repunzel live happily ever after…….

THE END

By Vinny

Middle aged geriatric from Hull, England.Slighty mad but aren't we all?

25 replies on “Once upon a time..”

Uh-oh. So much violence for the children to read. But wait! No problem. Most of them won’t be reading anyway. They’d rather get their gadgets and play games where they behead people. But seriously, for a “not for children” children’s book, it’s a great idea.

Liked by 1 person

BTW, I don’t really think that “some” violence hurts kids (like pushing the witch into the oven or pushing the wolf into the well), but those are things we don’t believe even as kids. The beheading on the gadget games is a bit too close to reality if you watch the news these days, so that’s a different thing. A few years ago we had a crazy guy behead the guy in front of him on a bus, so it happens even in civilized countries. We don’t need to replay that on games for kids. On the other hand, I can’t remember ever hearing about a witch being shoved into an oven except in the fairy tale of Hansel and Gretel.

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